Who gets to stay and who goes to town…..determined by a preg test

I helped my Farmer preg test some old cows the other day.  Most ranches do this every year.  We do not.  My Farmer usually is pretty aware of which cows are open (not pregnant), but this year we had a few that he wasn’t sure about; so comes the need for the preg test. How do we preg test a cow you may ask.  No, we do not have them pee on a stick.  Preg testing a cow is done by literally sticking your arm inside the cow and feeling for a calf. Such a glamorous job.  As I said, I helped my Farmer.  I ran the chute.  He stuck his arm in the cow. Well, I also duck taped the long plastic glove to his shoulder so it’d stayed put, which is important.  Out of the 10 cows, only 1 was pregnant.  Well there might have been another one, the one that I found trying to prolapse the other day, but we will never know.  When my Farmer went to check her, she of course started to prolapse……double!  That means, again in my words, (and I’m so good at coming up with politically correct descriptive words, hahaha)….her innards were coming out two places. She was trying to push her female parts out and her poopin’ parts outs!  My Farmer got things pushed back in and stated “She is going to town!” (That’s his term for getting rid of her).  I have helped my Farmer with a cow having a double prolapse before; 5 hours in the corral and having to call in the neighborhood cowboy helper, it was not fun and I have no desire to do it again.

I have assisted my Farmer many times with prolapsed cows.  My jobs are usually……..handing him what ever it is he needs (this is when I pretend like I’m a medical assistant), holding up the cows tail (which is not a problem until she decides to go down and my Farmer yells “don’t let her do down!” Ummm, 1400 pounds, trying to go down, while I hold her up by the tail. Ya, right.  I usually do not win that one) , and being the cheerleader (this I am good at).  I do all this, as he struggles to get all the innards that she’s pushed out, put back in.  I have gotten a little more involved over the years (only through necessity, believe me), I have actually got in the chute beside my Farmer and held the fallen out innards while he pushes it back it.  I even helped him push it back in. (35 years ago there is no way I would have ever done that)  Now, if you have never held a cows female innards that were hanging out her back end…well let me tell you, they are heavy, slimy, and gross. And very difficult to push back in. Mostly because as you are pushing it back in, she is pushing it back out.

Like I said before, a prolapse is not fun let alone a double. When we were working on the cow last year that double prolapsed, I really wanted to take a picture.  You know, to show my readers. My Farmer, both arms up to his shoulders inside the cow, he was cover with crap from head to toe, and he was not a happy camper (which, we was pretty much camped in that spot for hours). It would have been a great picture. However, I was a tad bit chicken to say “hold on one second while I snap a picture”. It would not have been good, believe me. 

Like I said earlier, I have no desire to do it again, but that doesn’t mean it wont happen. It probably will.  Cuz that’s how it is when you’re Livin’ the life, the farm life that is.

If you have any prolapse stories, I would love to hear them.  Just leave them in the comments.